• .
  • .
  • .
  • .
  • .

Sucks Getting Older

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment

I have noticed some changes, seems to me the older I get the louder I sneeze. When I was 18yr, it was like “haachoo”. Now it’s “HAAAAACHOOOOOO!!! I set off car alarms. It’s embarrassing. I go to visit my niece at school, I sneeze and all the kids start climbing underneath their desks. I’m serious, every time I sneeze, I get vertigo and blackout.

My Girlfriend Is Trying To Kill Me

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment

My girlfriend is trying to kill me. She’s doing it by making me watch shows about bitches trying on wedding dresses while other bitches cry b/c it’s so beautiful. She must want me to kill myself. I think it’s her roundabout way of murdering me but she wants me to do all the dirty work. One more episode of that shit and she’s going to see me grab a garden hose and head out to my car.

Addicted

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment

I realized I’m not actually an alcoholic, I’m addicted to promising strangers we would totally hangout sometime.

Love Handles of Vodka

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment

I loved to drink. I have this favorite little drinking game I like to play. It’s a fun little game where I’d drink every time I found a place that served alcohol. My drinking inspired the title of my auto-biography, Love Handles of Vodka.

Dick Doherty’s Beantown Comedy Den- Thursday the 22nd 8pm

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment

Jokes & Jokes & Jokes! Be there fools

Matty Phelan in Cambridge on 04/21/13

Posted on by Matty in Funny | Leave a comment